Mike Newton's Laws of Motion
by hippopotomonstrosesquipedalio
Summary: Edward, teen drama, crazy pranks, Asian porn, and Mike. what more could you want rated for safety
1. Intro BPOV

Mike Newton's Laws of Motion

_Newton's First Law: An object at rest will remain at rest and an object in motion will remain in motion unless acted on by an out side force._

Mike Newton is the bane of my existence. At first it was easy to be cordiale to him. He was nice. He was laid back. He didn't act like a complete moron. But now after what he did this means war.

Monday was when it all went down. It started as a pretty normal day; cloudy, rainy and just plain boring. The only really amazing thing about yesterday was Edward. I could always count on him for that. He walked me to most of my classes so "I wouldn't trip over air and break my pretty face open" according to Emmet.

Unfortunately the sun decided to make a rare appearance when it was time for my gym class and Edward along with the rest of the Cullen's had to depart. Of course I was downcast but Edward promised he'd spend the rest of the afternoon with me when I got out of school.

When I entered gym I began to notice the strangeness. Everyone seemed to be looking at me from the corner of their eye. Girls were of giggling in a corner sending me strange looks all the while. Boys too. And none other than Mr. Mike Newton was wearing a very smug look on his fat soon to be bruised face. But at the time I had no idea what was going on until Tyler came up to me and blurted "So Bella… don't you think Edwards Asian porn is kinda freaky?" he then blushed and proceeded to walk away. _WTH!!!!!????_

_AN: yea yea I know it is short and semi cliffy. If you want to read more r&r please_


	2. Intro EPOV

EPOV

That's it! That's IT!!! I am going to kill Newton! That vile, insignificant, ache ridden, little worm! If it wasn't for the fact that I was on strict diet (if you know what I mean) I would eat him. No. No that is too merciful. I would bite him, watch him squirm in pain for a few days and then rip him up and burn him! Before, I could handle him having a crush on my love. I could even handle him having wild, sick fantasies of my love. But now, now he's gone TOO FAR!!!!!

I was in a bit of a grumpy mood, having to leave my angle, to escape the sun. At lunch Alice had informed me that the sun would come out in a few hours and that we didn't want to be here when it did. I was opening my locker, while the rest of the student body was buzzing by, not really paying attention, when I hear someone's thoughts screaming at me. _Edward don't open-_ Too late. My locker door swung open allowing a couple of magazines to fall to the floor.

"The door," Alice finished lamely, now standing by my locker. At first my mind did not register what the magazines contained. I was a little distracted by thirty or so students now staring at me. Their thoughts were a in a crazy frenzy that I could not follow. "Pssst," Alice whispered, "Edward, Asian porn just fell out of your locker."

WHAT!? I looked down to indeed find pornography lying in front of my open locker. I looked from the magazines to Alice to the crowed of people giggling at me. _Newton _she said in her head. It was then that I began to plan on killing Mike. Picturing me smashing his head like a melon. Throwing him off a roof, then catching him only to throw him off a bigger roof. _Edward, you can do that later but now we've got to go _Alice startled me out of my own personal 'Make-Mike's-Life-Miserable-Land.

I looked back at the porno, then at Alice. She raised her eyebrow and pinched her lips together. I realized what she wanted me to do. I was about to refuse but then I realized I had no other choice. I grudgingly leaned down, picked up the porn, tossed it into my locker, slammed the door, pushed through the crowed of nosey adolescents and stomped to my car. The whole time I was imagining torturing Mike Newton. Maybe I could put a bee hive in his car tomorrow. Oo, or maybe razors in his bed. I always could do both. Hmm… I wonder.


	3. Author's Note

Hey everyone who's reviewed (like 3 people)/ added me/added my story. I just wanted to thank everyone and assure them that future updates will be much longer and better. I am going to be working with **RandomSpeck909 **the awesome author of **My Heart Shaped Necklace **she will be my unofficial beta reader and I will be her unofficial beta reader. If you haven't read her story check it out.

Also for any one who is wondering where this story is going two words EMMET and THE GOODFATHER okay so maybe that's three words…hmmm well R&R my other chapter and ask any questions you may have I don't bite… hard.


	4. Down To Business

AN: I fixed a few mistakes for that were pointed out so if you've already read it you don't have to again

BPOV

Today was the worst day in my high school career.

Every where I turned there were whisper, snickers, and just down right rude comments and gestures like boys pulling their eyes up in a slant when I walk by and singing the Mr. Roboto song which I'm not even sure is Asian.

At lunch in the line Lauren strolled up to me, looked me up and down like she was

a) Sizing me up for a fight…or

b) Checking me out.

"So Bella I herd about Edward and his… well you know fetish, and I just thought I'd let you know I am really sorry." She said not sounding sorry at all.

"Gee thanks," I said wanting to end this conversation fast, but does she stop there? No she keeps going like the freaking energizer bunny.

"No really, I mean it must feel horrible to know your boyfriend feels compelled to carry that _stuff_ around, even to school." She shot me a very snide grin, grabbed an apple and left.

Normally I wouldn't take anything Lauren says seriously but she hit a new sore spot. Part of me said _are you crazy Edward loves you he would never do anything like that, _but another part of me said _see I told you so he doesn't want you, he'll never want you. You're just a plain, silly, naïve teenager._

Of course I know that the second part of me was illogical, I mean look at all the things Edward does just to be with me. He could have any girl he wanted and he picked me. He doesn't need to use those kinds of magazines when he can just have the girls in them for real. Still a part of me said I wasn't good enough for him.

_Maybe he does love you he just has his own needs and you just can't fulfill them, _oh look a third part.

Yay me.

Well I guess we'll find out who's right after school.



When I got home he was already there waiting in my bedroom on my bed.

He sat there stoic as ever with a look of rage on his face that made it look like he was trying to bore holes in my floor with his mind. For a second I was sure that he could.

He then slowly looked up at me, narrowed his eyes and said one word filled with pure venom, "Newton."

Then it all came together in my head. Edward didn't really use Asian porn Mike planted it to humiliate him! But why? I mean I know Mike had a crush on me but I thought he was over it. And even if he did why would he go after Edward?

"Because he is jealous that I have you and he doesn't." He must have seen my confused look. "So he set this up in the hope that you would dump me once you found out. Plus I end up humiliated. That vile, rotten, son of a-"

"Bitch!" I finished for him. I was now so pissed that I balled up my fist and clenched my teeth together so hard I feared they might break.

Edward first looked surprised at my anger but then a very evil grin spread across his face. I soon followed suit. I rubbed my hands together like an evil villain in a cartoon and sat next to Edward on my bed.

"Pay back time," I said.

"Exactly. But first we have to figure out how to pay him back." I thought for a second but I really couldn't think of anything good enough to do.

"And just how are we going to do that?" I asked.

He frowned, "I don't really know, I was hoping that you'd have some ideas."

"Welllllll… there is one but your not going to like it."

"What Bella, please tell me." I looked at him directly in the eyes.

"Emmett."



"What can I do for you," said Emmet with a very weird Brooklyn accent. He was sitting at Carlisle's desk in his office, with his back to us in Carlisle's fancy swivel chair.

After a while of arguing Edward finally agreed to come with me and ask Emmet for help. He was very reluctant about asking Emmett for anything after this incident with hot sauce, but Emmett was the master of pranks and no one can deny that.

Emmett slowly turned to face us. I almost burst out laughing at his appearance. He was wearing a very nice suit and his hair was oily and slicked back. The real kicker though was the unlit cigar in his mouth.

"No," Edward growled in response to Emmett's thoughts. But before he could get the whole word out Emmett raised his hand to stop him. Then he held it out towards Edward.

Ohhhh. I get it now Emmett was the Godfather.

"Edward, just do it," I told him.

Grumbling under his breathe the whole way, Edward stomped over to Emmett took his hand and kneeled and kissed it. Then Edward began to speak but Emmett once again stopped him.

"Kiss Mr. Snucomes," Emmett ordered in his accent holding something out that I hadn't noticed was in his lap a second a go.

It was a cat.

A big, fluffy, white, stuffed cat.

"No way!" Edward practically yelled.

"Now, now don't get your shorts in a bunch. It's just one kiss, and…" Emmett grinned evilly, "an offer that you can't refuse."

Edward glared daggers at him.

"If you don't I won't be inclined to help you out of your current… predicament."

After a long pause Edward signed in defeat. He reluctantly leaned down and kissed the stuffed cat on the head.

Emmett smiled and said "Okay, now let's get down to business."

But before we could start an ear piercing shriek rang out through the house.

"EMMET! WHERE IS MY HAIR GEL!?" screamed Rosalie.

**Review review review **

**If you liked pass it on to friends**

**The plot thickens **

**p.s. ty RandomSpeck for all the help**


	5. Rosalie Cullen!

**MPOV**

Today may have been the best day of my life. Why you ask?

Because today Edward Cullen became the weird perverty guy, all because of me.

Because of his face when that porn fell out of his locker.

Because he actually put it back!

Oh man what a treat. I did feel a little bad that Bella was getting made fun of though. But I mean seriously! How much does a guy have to do to get a girl to notice him? Oh well it's not as if she'll ever know it was me.

I went to work at my parents shop with a huge grin on my face that nobody could wipe off. I'm pretty sure costumers were getting freaked out.

Later my dad came up to me and said, "Son, come with me to the back I want to talk about something." I followed to happy to really care why he wanted to talk in private.

"Mike," he said as he placed a hand on my shoulder, "you've been acting strange lightly… please tell me you're not on that hippy mushroom crap."

After spending an hour convincing my dad that I am not on srooms, I left for my house. A couple blocks from my pad I saw a red BMW pulled over on the side of the road, with the most beautiful girl ever standing next to it. **Cue 'Loosen Up My Buttons' in Mike's head.**

Rosalie Cullen was waving for help.

At me.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But instead of jumping around like an idiot I pulled over next to her, rolled down my window and said all cool like, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, my car seems to be… screwed up and I was wondering if you could lend me your phone so I can call my parents?" she asked now leaning on the passenger side door of my car revealing lots of cleavage.

Hmmm let me think, should I lend Rosalie Cullen MY cell?

"Sure just let me get it out of my bag." I started sifting around my back pack looking for my phone. After look for like ever I still couldn't find it.

"Damn I don't have it on me, I could of sworn it was here a second ago," I said puzzled as to where my cell might be.

"That's alright. Can you give me a lift to your place so I can call my parents for a tow truck?"

Rosalie Cullen just asked to go to my house. My HOUSE! It would be just me and Rosalie Cullen at MY HOUSE! Yep defiantly the best day ever. I nodded enthusiastically as she slid gracefully in side of my car. The ride to my house was completely silent for the most part. Rosalie arms were crossed over her chest and she was looking pretty mad. I figured that she must be pissed about her car breaking down.

"Really sucks about your car and all," I said to start conversation.

"Yea 'sucks'," was all she said. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say.

Attempting to cover my ass I said "Well I'm sure you can get it fixed."

"Yea sure." Okay so she doesn't want to talk.

When we got to my house I opened the door like a real gentleman. Then I pointed where the phone was. She just nodded and stomped off to the living room with our phone, leaving me in the kitchen. I tried not to eavesdrop but she was almost yelling. Then the conversation got real quite, in a kinda suspicious way. Whatever I figured her parents told her to calm down or else be grounded.

When she finally came out I asked of I could get her anything.

"No thank you, you've done enough already," she said in a really sweet angle like voice. I was confused at her sudden mood swing.

"My brother is coming to get me and my father called a tow truck to get my car," she informed me. Then she got real close, and I mean REAL close and whispered in my ear, seductively, "Thanks so much Mike." My knees almost buckled.

"Y-you're w-wl-lecome," I stuttered back. I'm so smooth.

"You know you've got a great house… for a party."

"A p-party?"

"Yea. You know dancing, drinking, kissing," she growled, "If you were to have party I'd be the first to show up." The way she said that made me want to drool.

"Yea," was my brilliant response.

With that she giggled pushed me away and walked out leaving me there shocked, and opened mouthed. God she is so smooth and sexy. Smexy. Then my brain started to work again.

Hmmm a party.

R&R please


End file.
